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Q: Why did the right-winger shoot his alarm-clock and coffee-maker?
A: They were too woke.
Q: Why did the right-winger refuse to get out of bed?
A: He didn't want to join the woke crowd.
Q: Why did the Republican keep driving off the road?
A: He was afraid people might think he was too far to the left.
Q: Why do Republicans always vote against their own interests?
A: They don't want to be "politically correct".
Q: Why did the conservoid set fire to the Constitution?
A: It was talking about forming a union.

might need workshopping

Q: Why was the Trump fan looking for the Returns Desk at the Capitol?
A: She wasn't happy with the election, and was trying to take it back.
Q: Why did the conservoid always carry around a giant "weights and measures" reference book?
A: To keep an eye on it -- because everyone knows you can't trust the mass media.